Okay, before I launch my grey matter into a rant about whatever has irritated me in the recent past, I'd like to post a few positive comments and thoughts on the previous week.
The weather here in Kelowna has been very bizzare as of late; Snow, rain, freezing temperatures, sunny days... the weather has been so unpredictable, that even early in April, I can still get across the bridge without the standard flood of foreigners and Albertans putting along in their RVs.
I still like my job... a miracle in itself, as I haven't got bored with it and moved on to learn something elsewhere.
My wrist has healed enough..finally, so that I can get back into rapier practice.
Where was I? toadstools...
I've always considered myself to be smarter than your average joe, and time and time again I get opportunities to be thankful I know how to read and utilize my cranium for more than devising button-pushing-combination
I know I'm arrogant at times, and in my own defense, it's very hard not to be so when one enters into a conversation with a toadstool.
I'm not a genius like my high school friends Pat Balena, Bill Greene, and Lyle Neff... but I do read and continue to develop my knowledge in a variety of arenas.. unlike the toadstool.
Let me tell you about the toadstool I met today in the grocery store. I couldn't help but notice this immense beast when his F450 almost used my Taurus as a speed bump as he sped down the wrong way in the parking lot to take 4 parking spaces up because he couldn't maneuver his truck into one.
I parked my car and through my rear view mirror I saw this approximately 6'6", 300 pound beast try to exit his truck, only to find he hadn't removed his seat belt. Whist said beast battled with his protective restraint, I found my way into the store to pick up my groceries.
knowing where and what was required, I made my way through the aisles efficiently and without issue until the aforementioned toadstool came around the corner into the soup aisle. A cart loaded with enough meat to feed the entirety of the Canadian Grizzly population until next fall, wobbled on directionally-challenged front wheels while the beast lumbered behind it, vainly attempting control, but not slowing in the least.
Seeing the potential for my becoming this moron's speedbump for a second time, I wisely stepped aside as he blasted past and into the Campbell's soup display.
Trying not to be overtly smug (regardless of one's training, it's never wise to antagonize a person doubling one's own mass), I made my way to the checkout, pausing only to pick and choose a few snacks for my daughter... and then a voice rumbled behind me...
"Are you in line?"... It was him, the neanderthal I'd twice avoided, and was currently thinking about as the poster-child for abstinence... and despite my loading my groceries on to the counter, he felt he had to verify that I was indeed 'in line', and not just another speed bump.
I replied quickly and sarcastically (two words that really shouldn't be placed together when replying to the missing link), "No, I'm just got tired of dodging you."
Now, there are times when I realize that my acidic tongue has just gotten me into trouble that very possibly my feet can't outrun, and my fists can't outfight... this was suddenly becoming one of those times as I did a swift analysis of the soon-to-be combat zone... escape routes, obstacles etcetera.
"Har-Har" he guffawed with a gusto akin to the yokels from Hee-Haw, and slapped my shoulder in what I'm sure he thought was friendly, but on my end bordered on a sucker-punch.
I interrupted his snorting and guffawing to ask, 'What do you do for a living?" (my curiosity was piqued by his obvious affluence, despite his mental restrictions)
he replied, "I'm a city cop in Calgary".... and then was distracted by the tabloids at the counter...slowly reading each caption...pause...chuckle.
I drove carefully out of the parking lot, positive that this brain-dead behemoth of a city cop was going to be trying a third time to finish me off, and all the while thinking that somehow, an illiterate ape who laughs in appreciation of tabloid captions; who's directional skills and coordination are negligible... is a city employee with a gun and a big truck...
...and is just around the corner waiting to make you a speedbump.
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