That Little Voice

Everyone has that little voice inside their head that is only there to chastise you for bad ideas... and what a bad idea is, is whatever your doting progenitors decided would be inappropriate behavior...

I find myself stymied at times...inactive, frozen, and even a little scared at what my mind has accepted as normal behavior in society today. I can recall clearly my mother reminding me that there are many more effective nouns, verbs, adjectives etcetera that can be used in place of a swear word... and if I chose to continue on my vulgar path, I understood that the consequence would be a mouthful of soap and a sore posterior...

Anyone remember spankings? My father was a veteran by the time I was verbose enough to warrant his skilled hand, having six older siblings to train his hand at the job. My dad could terrify me with that "dad stomp" practiced and perfected over the years, each step shaking the floor as he made his way to me, his belt slipping through the belt loops like an adder reading to strike... Knowing that I was going to be spanked, the looming shadow of my executioner leering hideously over me (okay, I made that up, my dad hated spanking myself and my siblings, but it makes for good type), I could almost see my meager life pass before my eyes... over his lap, sneering my defiance (okay, I'm lying here as well, I was probably screaming for my mother to save me or something pathetically heart rending in an effort to avoid the inevitable punishment), I awaited the strike...

... I was never an angel, but I never committed the same offense twice...

This was a tried and true method to condition that little voice in my head. Break a lamp...*Whack*, swear at mom...*Whack-whack** (but only after the opportunity to field test all of those wonderful soaps in the kitchen and bathroom... I found ivory bar soap the most palatable, and dish soap the worst..especially when mom rubbed it into my gums... everything had a lemony fresh taste for a week after that)... beat up my little brother...**Whack-whack-wh

ack** (usually worth it...he was a devious little weasel who took my spot as the youngest...the nerve)... oops, I admit this offense several times, so I guess the punishment in that case was never harsh enough to prevent me from pummeling the mouthy little bugger.

Mom and Dad did as their parents had done, who did as their parents had done, who in turn were merely doing as each generation had done previously. My siblings and I may have been a handful, but we were exceptionally polite and well spoken in public...and rarely ever embarrassed our parents with inappropriate behavior... because our little voice spoke loud and clear within our adolescent craniums, "Um..do you REALLY want to do that?"

Belts, willows, wooden spoons, hot wheel tracks and strips off of a mud flap (which left welts...real, posterior warming, I'm-sleeping-on-my-stomach-for-a-week welts ), my parents seemed to have been driven into an arms race to see what was the most effective tool to maintain peace...

...and I'm sure that many of you reading this think I grew up in the dark ages... no, my parents had eight kids and we all learned respect for authority (some more than others, but it exists in all my siblings). Today I hear so many people telling me that this is not the way to raise a child...whilst they waste their child-rearing years raising their dog and critiquing those of us taking a shot at this lifelong test of parenting... everyone's an expert until they have to do the job...

All you "modern" and "enlightened" parents out there with your double mocha in one hand and the latest child-rearing book in the other... stop it. You are the parent, the little person you conceived is the child. You are the boss, not the friend or buddy... how can you expect your little bundle of joy to have any respect for others when you let him/her walk over you as you let them "explore their boundaries"?

"Dr. such-and-such says to let my little angel express herself." Well parent, when your little angel is "expressing herself" in a wild screaming fit in public...or better yet swearing at you and others in public..don't you just want to...

You want to... I know you do. But you've been told by so many barren-wombed talk show hosts and authors of this weeks best selling child rearing book, "Walk-all-over-me-I'm-a-doormat" that you restrain yourself and give all onlookers that "I'm sorry" face and try to negotiate with your self-involved, narcissistic little bundle of hell-spawn...

ALL kids are narcissists...the world revolves around their needs, and it's up to you to TEACH them somehow to respect others needs as well... you can't do that with a time-out unless by chance your kid was naturally good natured (I do have one couple who's daughter is totally "new-aged" upbringing and she's a sweetheart)...

I'm not talking about beating the living daylights out of your offspring, I'm merely telling you that I got the belt every once in awhile for my transgressions, and it helped a lot more than it hindered... and there are an abundance of teens out there that needed long before...